DINO

I've never felt more useless. I worked so hard today to be allowed at rehearsal. I worked so hard last night trying to get caught up in my work so that my 'play probation' would be over. And I did it. I got enough work done on my extended essay, and enough ToK done, and I made an agreement with Mr. Hyer to be 'caught up' in CAS, and at 3:25 I was told I could be apart of the show and rehearsal today.

I don't think I've ever felt that emotion. Hearing that I got the "OK" from mr Hyer nearly brought me to tears. It did, actually, bring me to tears when I walked into the theatre room.

I lost DINO for a day. DINO has been everything to me. I managed to get a lead role, something I never even planned on getting. Like I've said, I never planned on auditioning, it was a spur of the moment thing. But that spur of the moment thing has brought me here.

I've gone through a lot with this show. I've been putting everything I have into it. I'm trying to learn my lines, I'm trying to take every note I'm given and apply it for next time, but in all honestly I don't think it's working.

Especially after today, I feel as though I'm not deserving of this part. I'm trying and trying to learn my lines, but every rehearsal I feel like I have nothing to show for it. Today's rehearsal was painful. I mean this emotionally, of course.

I was all over the place in my lines. Right now it's at the point where I absolutely cannot be this poor at lines. Show is in two weeks, and I still have so much more to do.

I'm still workign on character, I'm still working on lines, I'm still working on blocking. I shouldnt be working on them anymore. And if I had to be working on them, I should be almost perfect. I am no where near that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be either.

My faith in myself isnt strong at this moment in time. I need to step it up. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it. But there is a reahearsal this Thursday and my goal is to get through the full run through with very little pauses of lines.