I've never felt more useless. I worked so hard today to be allowed at rehearsal. I worked so hard last night trying to get caught up in my work so that my 'play probation' would be over. And I did it. I got enough work done on my extended essay, and enough ToK done, and I made an agreement with Mr. Hyer to be 'caught up' in CAS, and at 3:25 I was told I could be apart of the show and rehearsal today.
I don't think I've ever felt that emotion. Hearing that I got the "OK" from mr Hyer nearly brought me to tears. It did, actually, bring me to tears when I walked into the theatre room.
I lost DINO for a day. DINO has been everything to me. I managed to get a lead role, something I never even planned on getting. Like I've said, I never planned on auditioning, it was a spur of the moment thing. But that spur of the moment thing has brought me here.
I've gone through a lot with this show. I've been putting everything I have into it. I'm trying to learn my lines, I'm trying to take every note I'm given and apply it for next time, but in all honestly I don't think it's working.
Especially after today, I feel as though I'm not deserving of this part. I'm trying and trying to learn my lines, but every rehearsal I feel like I have nothing to show for it. Today's rehearsal was painful. I mean this emotionally, of course.
I was all over the place in my lines. Right now it's at the point where I absolutely cannot be this poor at lines. Show is in two weeks, and I still have so much more to do.
I'm still workign on character, I'm still working on lines, I'm still working on blocking. I shouldnt be working on them anymore. And if I had to be working on them, I should be almost perfect. I am no where near that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be either.
My faith in myself isnt strong at this moment in time. I need to step it up. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it. But there is a reahearsal this Thursday and my goal is to get through the full run through with very little pauses of lines.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
MUN
I havent been able to attend MUN lately. I've been busy.
I did, however, go to my first debate practice. It was nerve wracking.
I played it safe and didn't speak much. I decided that the mock debate would have been better learning for me if I used it to observe.
I learnd a lot from a 40 minute debate. I've learned that I should be demanding in my questions and jump on any and all faults in the other teams arguments. There is a debate in a couple weeks that I'll be applying what I've learned.
I did, however, go to my first debate practice. It was nerve wracking.
I played it safe and didn't speak much. I decided that the mock debate would have been better learning for me if I used it to observe.
I learnd a lot from a 40 minute debate. I've learned that I should be demanding in my questions and jump on any and all faults in the other teams arguments. There is a debate in a couple weeks that I'll be applying what I've learned.
Destination Imagination
And so it begins! My team has chosen our challenge (due to team issues which I'll discuss later) but I do not know what it is..
It's been a really poor start. I don't get along with one of our team members, I won't give a name, but this has happened for the past two years.
We clash when we work together because of our differences in our ideas. Yesterday during our meeting I was yelled at for "controlling" the team.
I wasn't controlling, I was helping another by giving them a challenge to look at, I didn't know it was ours. But --- didn't understand that.
This makes me really nervous. We cannot have a repeat of last year. We cannot be arguing at our first "meeting". As a team we're meeting later this week to discuss things from last year that went well and went poorly.
We're also going to insitute a "constitution" of rules and agreements that we are going to follow so that we can work better together and get things done.
I'll blog on that as soon as it happens. Meeting should be Friday at lunch.
It's been a really poor start. I don't get along with one of our team members, I won't give a name, but this has happened for the past two years.
We clash when we work together because of our differences in our ideas. Yesterday during our meeting I was yelled at for "controlling" the team.
I wasn't controlling, I was helping another by giving them a challenge to look at, I didn't know it was ours. But --- didn't understand that.
This makes me really nervous. We cannot have a repeat of last year. We cannot be arguing at our first "meeting". As a team we're meeting later this week to discuss things from last year that went well and went poorly.
We're also going to insitute a "constitution" of rules and agreements that we are going to follow so that we can work better together and get things done.
I'll blog on that as soon as it happens. Meeting should be Friday at lunch.
DINO - Two Weeks
I honestly don't think I've ever been more stressed out in my life. I'm supposed to be off bok for Dino. Today is our first FULL run through of the show. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm nervous, that's how I feel. I think I'm off book, but I don't know. I've always had the crutch of calling "line" when I forget during rehearsal but no longer are we allowed to do so.
The show's in two weeks, and I'm freaking out. Completely and totally freaking out. I never realized how much pressure comes with being the lead role of a play that EVERYONE is talking about. The show is called Dino. I am Dino. I am the show. Alright, that's dramatic, but it's pretty much true.
Everyone is depending on me right now, on a side note. My grades are slipping and they're conflicting with my participation in Dino. At this point I am on "Play Probabtion" and can't attend rehearsal until my grades in ToK, EE, and CAS are up.
Speaking of CAS, here's how Dino has gone so far. I've never been a lead role, so I'm still learning. I've never actually had a role in which I'm being given stage direction after stage direction, after blocking, after vocal notes, after movement notes, SO MANY NOTES.
This play's teaching me a lot, and I'm proud to be apart of it. I'm learning how to be a better actor, something I'm striving to be. I'm learning how to be patient, too. Things aren't just going to be perfect over night. Everyday I learn something new that I have to change, or do better, or do at all.
The show's in two weeks, and I'm freaking out. Completely and totally freaking out. I never realized how much pressure comes with being the lead role of a play that EVERYONE is talking about. The show is called Dino. I am Dino. I am the show. Alright, that's dramatic, but it's pretty much true.
Everyone is depending on me right now, on a side note. My grades are slipping and they're conflicting with my participation in Dino. At this point I am on "Play Probabtion" and can't attend rehearsal until my grades in ToK, EE, and CAS are up.
Speaking of CAS, here's how Dino has gone so far. I've never been a lead role, so I'm still learning. I've never actually had a role in which I'm being given stage direction after stage direction, after blocking, after vocal notes, after movement notes, SO MANY NOTES.
This play's teaching me a lot, and I'm proud to be apart of it. I'm learning how to be a better actor, something I'm striving to be. I'm learning how to be patient, too. Things aren't just going to be perfect over night. Everyday I learn something new that I have to change, or do better, or do at all.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
MUN
MUN has started, and so far so...not so well. I didn't get to attend the meeting today (group 4 presentation) but that's ok. We haven't gotten our country yet, so right now we're more just talking. There's an MUN blog that I'm following to keep up with meetings that I've missed.
Gotta get this one better journaled. Will do soon!
Gotta get this one better journaled. Will do soon!
Destination Imagination
DI hasn't officially started, according to the season. But as a school and team we've started. My team includes Myself, Tildy, Blake and Eric. We're ready this year, and sad to see Lauren not participate. We've chosen to do the Improv Challenge, like we did our first year. We've started (as a school) dealing with the money issues. We are required to pay a lotmore money this year for the activity and in order to do so we've discussed fundraising.
We're selling carnations again this year. It's previously worked well in the past and we're hoping that it does so again this year. I'm starting my selling this Friday during break and lunch.
Nothing really to reflect upon yet, just that it's really stressful trying to raise so much money in such little time. Crossing our fingers!
Oh, and my team needs a new coach, so that's a team challenge that we're trying to work through. So far we have afew ideas but no official coach or possibilities. Still looking! I'm thinking about asking Mrs. Botsford to coach ust his year.
We're selling carnations again this year. It's previously worked well in the past and we're hoping that it does so again this year. I'm starting my selling this Friday during break and lunch.
Nothing really to reflect upon yet, just that it's really stressful trying to raise so much money in such little time. Crossing our fingers!
Oh, and my team needs a new coach, so that's a team challenge that we're trying to work through. So far we have afew ideas but no official coach or possibilities. Still looking! I'm thinking about asking Mrs. Botsford to coach ust his year.
Prom Committee
Prom committee has been an interesting activity so far. I'm having trouble making some of the thursday meetings during lunch due to another committment to MUN, but i've been keeping up. What I've been doing so far is doing actual work outside the meetings. For example, during Open House I sat the entire time at a table promoting our fundraiser for the gift cards, the tag sale, etc. Tonight (October 20) I'm working with Lauren McCann at the open mic night to acquire more tickets for the gift card raffle.
I'm excited this year to be apart of prom committee. I've never done it before so I'm afraid to speak up. I wish I was able to always attend the meetings regulary, and I'm hoping that I Can start. MUN has moved dates for meeting so that is definitely a plus.
I'm excited this year to be apart of prom committee. I've never done it before so I'm afraid to speak up. I wish I was able to always attend the meetings regulary, and I'm hoping that I Can start. MUN has moved dates for meeting so that is definitely a plus.
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